Growing Up
by rosepose
Summary: Rick is coming to terms with Judith growing up with some help from Carl.


**HEY GUys I** RECENTLY** FELL IN LOVE WITH THE WAlking dead so here is my first one shot!**

Judith Grimes. Judith Grimes. That's my name. Carl gave it to me. I'm thirteen. He's twenty-six. Carl told me about Mom. He said that she decided to let me live instead of her. I love her for that. And I bet she loved me too. Isn't it weird, though? Two people who have never met and never will meet can still love each other. Dad still looks at me funny, though. Especially nowadays, when I'm older and Carl says I look more and more like my mom. I guess he still misses her a lot. I hope I don't have to find out what that feels like anytime soon.

I look at the picture of my mom, sometimes. Carl told me a great story about how he risked his life to get it for me just so I would know what she looked like. I think he exaggerated. But that's okay. I love Carl. I love Dad.

I just wish I knew what it was like before the world changed. I wish I knew what it was like to not be stuck behind walls for your whole life.

.

.

Judith, my Judith. God, I love her so much. The day she was born brought me so much grief and loss that I had almost forgotten what I'd gained that day: Judith. And every time she smiles, I see Lori. But every time she laughs, or cries, or hugs me, I forget what I lost for a moment. The way she walks, the way she carries herself, the way she talks to me. Lori is all I see. But this is different. This is Judith. Judith is not Lori, I tell myself all the time. She needs me now, more than ever. To protect her, reassure her when she's scared. I cherish the times when she still crawls into my bed after a nightmare asking me to hold her because the "monsters will get her." I wish that they weren't real. I wish that I could tell her that it was the clothes in her closet or the toys under her bed. She's older now. I'm older now. I don't want her to become what I've become. I don't want her to have to feel the loss that I've felt. I want her to grow up, happy, loved, and unafraid. I want her to be strong, but not need to be. I want her to be safe, to have the opportunities that she was supposed to have.

Sometimes I wonder if Judith really was mine. I guess it doesn't matter.

Judith will always be mine.

.

.

"Carl, will you go find your sister?" Rick asked his son. There was a hint of panic in his voice.

"Relax, Dad," Carl reassured his father. "I know exactly where she is." With that, he jogged outside of his house and down through the neighborhood until he came to the wall. Carl hoisted himself up and over it using the footholds that Judith had left in the rails. He jumped down on the other side and started walking until he came to Judith's hiding spot. Sure enough, there she was, sitting on a rock. "You know you're not supposed to come out here by yourself."

"I know," she said, not looking up. Carl walked over to his sister and kneeled down so that he was level with her.

"Watcha' doin'?"

"Thinking."

"What about?"

She turned to look at him. "Lots of things."

He rested his chin on his fist. "Like what?"

"Things that are too embarrassing to talk about with your big brother."

"Oh, come on, Judy, I thought we were past that."

"Boys," she muttered.

He gave her an amused smirk. "I'm sorry did I hear correctly? Judith likes a boy?!"

"Quiet, the walkers will hear you. I knew you wouldn't understand."

"Now why would you think that? I know a lot about boys. I happen to be one!" Judith chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Who is it?"

"Sam."

"Sam?! Sam who's a year older than you, Sam?"

She sighed. "Yes, that one."

"Well, I will let you in on a little secret. No matter how hard they try to hide it, boys are secretly very stupid. So, they won't know that you like them unless you make it kinda obvious, or you come out and tell them."

"Well, what if he doesn't like me?"

"At least you'll know. And besides, he'll change his mind."

Judith looked at her brother curiously. "What makes you say that?"

"Let's see…you're beautiful, smart, strong, and you're the only girl his age."

"Well…what if he doesn't even like girls, like Aaron or Eric?"

Carl chuckled and put his arm around his little sister. "If he doesn't come around, then that's probably the case."

"What if he's mean to me?"

Carl shrugged. "I'll kill him." He said this so nonchalantly, that it took Judith a few seconds to actually process what he'd said.

"You will not!"

Carl sported a wide, toothy grin. "Will too. Me and dad will take turns beating him to death. Or maybe we'll let the walkers finish the job."

Judith grinned too and joked, "Or let me do it myself."

"Atta girl," Carl praised. "Now, it's getting dark, so we better head back."

.

.

"Judith likes a bo-oy, Judith likes a bo-oy!" Carl exclaimed in a singsong voice as they entered their house.

She punched him in the arm. "Stop it!"

Rick met them at the door. "What's this about a boy?" he asked in a mock-voice that he knew would get a rise out of his daughter.

"Ughh! I hate you sometimes!" Judith ran to her room and slammed it shut.

"She'll get over it," the two men concurred in unison. They sat down on the couch and sighed.

"She really told you that?" Rick asked, curiosity and surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, she did. I was surprised too. I guess she really doesn't have anyone to talk to."

"Of course she does!"

Carl sighed and shook his head. "Dad, all I know is that a girl does _not_ want to talk to her father about anything like that."

"Should we give her the talk?"

Carl laughed. "Yeah, 'cause _that_ will make things _much_ better. Come on, Dad open your eyes. Do you think she's oblivious to what happens around her? You don't think the older kids tell her things? Even if you _wanted_ her to have the talk we'd get someone like Maggie to do it. She's growing up, Dad, and you're just gonna have to accept that."

Rick sighed. "You're right. You're absolutely right. Is it my turn to talk to her, then?"

"No, I got it." Carl went up the stairs and knocked on her door. "Judy, can I come in?"

"Whatever," she answered half-heartedly through the door.

Carl opened the door and sat down next to her on the bed. "I'm sorry, Judy. Forgive me?"

Judith wiped a tear from her eye. "Yeah, I forgive you."

"Mom should've been here. She would have been so good at this."

"Is that why Dad's so protective? I'm the only thing he has left of her."

"Yeah."

"But it's my fault she died."

Carl turned and looked Judith seriously in the eyes. "Don't ever think that."

"But it's true! If it wasn't for me, she would be here."

"Judith, listen to me! You didn't ask to be born. It is not your fault she's dead. She's dead because she wanted you to live." Carl paused for a moment. "Okay?"

Judith nodded. "Okay." Carl got up to leave when she stopped him. "Wait, can you stay? Just until I fall asleep?"

"Okay, Judy."

.

.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Carl?" Rick said, half-awake in his bed, as the sun had barely risen.

"Sorry to wake you."

"No problem."

Carl sat down next to his father. "Maybe you should talk to Judy, but not about what we talked about last night."

"What, then?"

"I think you should give her the talk about death."

"Think she's ready for it?"

"Yeah, I do. I…think she should be prepared. You know, what you told me when we were still on the farm, that I should be prepared."

.

.

Carl listened through Judith's door that night as Rick told her she should prepare for his death, or Carl's, or anybody's because it could happen, and that she will need to be strong and go on without them. It tugged on his heartstrings when she started to cry, and when Rick came outside, he gave a small nod that somehow said "she understands."

Carl opened the door to see his sniffling little sister hiding her face underneath the covers. He lay down next to her under the blanket and cradled her in his arms until she, then he, fell asleep.


End file.
